I have to inform with great regret and sadness ..... that I am 20 and while I am on the cusp of adulthood I am still making child like mistakes and I am worried that child like mistakes in the adult world bear a heavier burden then any other you could think of..... but I am jumping ahead lets start at the beginning... yeah that's usually a great place to start.
Number 1 - the first thing that I feel triggered these events is ( of course it is because its me ) a girl, and again I never bad mouth, I've never judged and while people may think differently ever time something bad goes wrong in my life, I always and will always blame myself and no others, okay maybe others had influence but at centre of it all, I held the power to shape and control it and ignored wise advice or tips and become once again a subject of my emotions and intentions and no one holds that but me.
To make a long story short - I met girl who gave me hope again in world of dating and still has but sadly, even though I tried to take it easy, I let my emotions become to involved so when it ended , it's reopened old wounds, but at least it's given me a chance to take steps back into that world.
For any one in this situation - I'd say there are people worth fighting for in this world, just remember to check whether you need something or just want something , because sometimes you will put yourself on the line for what may not be the best thing for you at certain times.
Number 2 - second thing now is that I feel I've neglected other peoples feelings and friends in couple situations and for that I apologise. There is one thing I have always said and that is "I am defended by the friends who are by my side."
That is true and I feel bad for ignoring couples peoples advice and neglected how they feel about my actions to situation but I know that they will forgive me in time and I know they only meant the best for me because sometimes I make stupid actions or choices and they need to tell me when I am being silly so thank you for that :') especially one certain person who gave me some great advice at the heart of situation . ( you know who you are ).
Number 3 - Because of these little situations and days with mates and people etc , and then looking out for others before myself, I've put myself into a little bit of bad money situation nothing over whelming but still tough times. I am 20 and still making silly errors but sometimes its not as bad it can be or i think it is. But say this to anyone with regards to money plan and double and triple check your cautions and leave yourself enough money to give yourself breathing space because sometimes a rainy day can come quicker then you think .
So all of these together make me feel that I have turned 20 and still making ballsy moves which can pay off in both short and long term run but sometimes they can lose still and make a short pay off.
child mistake but with adult life makes for big consequence.
I am still gonna get through this because I am luckier then most with my family, my life and my friends but to anyone reading this remember there is light at end of the tunnel and that no matter how big a problem or problems may seem, you are a brilliant and unique person and you can accomplish anything if you set yourself goals , aim high and you will achieve something even if its not your original goal you'll make progress.
hope that makes sense, I've not edited this because it comes from my heart and soul during my emotional period of deep thinking.
take care and live, laugh and love
best regards and peace and love
from your man in the hat ;)
Joseph Reynolds X
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